aimless rambling and existential dread

2021.09.20 01:54 gregmzak aimless rambling and existential dread

heyo!
I don't have anyone to talk to, so I'll just drop all of this here. After a long drive inspired by a deep gnawing emptiness, then getting back home and trying to fill that emptiness with wine, I think I can properly articulate my dissatisfaction. The biggest problem though is where to start? well, I'm posting this on Reddit because I'm agonizingly alone. Everyone I once knew have gone separate ways. Friends have moved on with careers, relationships, moved across the country or even to other countries, and I am so happy for them, but now it's been an obscene amount of time since I've last spoken with any of them. I'm kind of just a memory now and nothing more. I am shit at keeping up with people and that has been my downfall. My family lives a considerable distance away and for that I haven't really seen them in a while either because I'm always busy with work which brings me onto my second point.
I've spent over 100,000 dollars to get a degree for a job that I thought I once loved. Teaching has been a passion of mine for years, inspiring students and giving them reasons to love learning, those moments where they make sense of a concept and you see them light up with happiness as something that once stressed them makes sense, and guiding them to be phenomenal scholars in their own ways are some of the reasons why I once loved teaching and why I got into it in the first place. Now that I'm here though, I have homeschool parents who want to berate me for every tiny detail, I have the admin breathing down my neck because I'm only in my mid twenties and am a soft spoken person. Yes, I know they are wanting to guide me to be better, but every review is only how much a mistake I was to be hired and with no direction as to how to be better. I leave work every day exhausted and miserable, I grade assignments feeling none of the love for the job that I once felt, and now even in my own mind I wonder why I'm even trying. Clearly I'm too jaded to serve these kids the way that they need. On top of that, the pay in teaching is barely enough to live off of and pay my student loans. Instead, I've had to cut some necessities from my budget like therapy and my medications (I used to be on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and anti-psychotics, but now I can't even fit one of those into my budget.) Yes, I am fairly certain that having to stop taking my meds is contributing a LOT to my current mindset, but I can't afford to even buy them at the risk of my credit score tanking more than it already is.
With those now setting the stage for everything, now I feel like it should be pretty clear that I literally can't find joy in anything, I no longer play the harp, piano, nor cello because it brings me nothing. I don't paint or sketch for the same reason. Why continue wood-working or sewing if it just feels like a chore? I know that Camus holds the argument to imagine Sisyphus happy, but when the only things that even remotely feel like happiness are bottled or show themselves in the void of sleep, how can someone really even pretend to be happy?
well,
I think that was everything... I hope that not many of you also relate to this...
I might reply to some of you lovely people on the other rare occasions that I get on Reddit.
Peace, love you all.
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2021.09.20 01:54 MarshallBrain stairway to heaven

stairway to heaven submitted by MarshallBrain to Ideathon [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 StagJackson Expense report transactions across multiple subsidiaries - More NetSuite lies

I’m trying to create employee “expense report” transactions which allocate different lines to different subsidiaries. An example transaction: an employee of a parent entity pays for an expense (eg. Office supplies) associated with a subsidiary on their personal credit card for which they should be reimbursed.
It turns out that page 262 of the “General Accounting” manual lies when it says that the “Intercompany Time and Expenses” feature “enables entry of intercompany time and expenses, and the transfer of time, expense, or both charges from one subsidiary to another.” While some of you may glean this from reading the 22 gleaned from reading some of the support articles in SuiteAnswers, this is only related to the "Bill costs to Customers" function and cannot be done for non-billable expenses.
NetSuite's response to this was to point me to Enhancement # - 193469: Ability to set multiple subsidiary restrictions on employee records rather than on the role level. Which is a sore point for me because the main person on my NetSuite implementation team didn't understand the difference between vendor and employee records and thought that the ability to do this on the vendor record answered my problems.
Anyway, continuing my quixotic adventure of trying to get NetSuite to reflect reality, has anyone handled this before? My options seem to be: 1. Create vendor records for employees and make two separate bills for the expense report (what I currently use, but contaminates "vendors"). 2. Create a single expense report and manually create a journal entry to allocate the expenses (a pain, necessitates a manual journal entry which requires support, but what I had hoped NetSuite had made less manual). 3. Create employee records for each subsidiary and enter separate expenses reports for each subsidiary (sounds very bad).
Is there any better option I'm missing?
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2021.09.20 01:54 Far_Document4711 Music Choices

What do y’all prefer
View Poll
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2021.09.20 01:54 momotaneko 中国富裕層の「愛人のいる生活」、次々にバレる意外な理由

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2021.09.20 01:54 BloePuzzleheaded San Francisco - The City (New Video)

San Francisco - The City (New Video) submitted by BloePuzzleheaded to Brooklyn [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Valert1 Jaws (1975) [2180x3340] by Luke Headland

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2021.09.20 01:54 THR1LLK1LLA First deer, first buck, 1st season. 2nd day Wisconsin

First deer, first buck, 1st season. 2nd day Wisconsin submitted by THR1LLK1LLA to bowhunting [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 SmilingAvocado123 Apartments in Idaho Falls

I’m looking at moving to Idaho Falls towards the end of December and wanted to know what people’s thoughts were on the following apartments. The Falls at Snake River Landing Eagles Landing The Residences at First Street I’m looking for a 2 bed/2bath. They are all similar in price and seem to be nice apartments, at least from what I’ve seen online. I’ve heard that the Falls can be a little difficult when trying to move out. Eagles landing is located right next to a school & busy street so I’m not sure what the noise level is like. The Falls is “close” to the airport which might not be a big deal. If anyone has any suggestions it would be much appreciated.
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2021.09.20 01:54 mingwa142 Wife enjoying the best smoke I ever had. Forgot the name of the place in Mumbai

Wife enjoying the best smoke I ever had. Forgot the name of the place in Mumbai submitted by mingwa142 to hookah [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 SeaworthinessTop583 What’s the most odd or ns_w thing you have seen a kid do?

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2021.09.20 01:54 Immediate-Grand-4864 Join me on my journey!!!

Join me on my journey!!! submitted by Immediate-Grand-4864 to youtube [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Jason3b93 Elegant Uraraka by daichi

Elegant Uraraka by daichi submitted by Jason3b93 to TheTempleOfOchako [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Patriot_tech NLST- Google lawsuit update. This is not a squeeze stock but could be a nice runner in the FUTURE. its on my watchlist

NLST- Google lawsuit update. This is not a squeeze stock but could be a nice runner in the FUTURE. its on my watchlist submitted by Patriot_tech to Squeeze_em [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Inertia-Arch Playboi Carti - Narcissist

Playboi Carti - Narcissist submitted by Inertia-Arch to freshalbumart [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Accomplished_Tank903 I certified for weeks but nothing showed.

I certified for 3 weeks but I didn’t get any payments. Not even pending. What’s going on?
submitted by Accomplished_Tank903 to Edd [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 savetheseaotters Cutting off mutual friends

My abusive ex and I were initially set up by two of our mutual friends who are sisters. When I was in the process of deciding whether to break up with him and post break up, they showed a lot of cognitive dissonance- alternating between acknowledging that his behavior was unacceptable, but then rationalizing for him (saying it was unprocessed grief), telling me I should have done things differently, and even passive aggressively casting doubt on what I said. Now that I know what I experienced was abuse and that there are literally terms for everything I went through, I’m actually shocked that one of them is a licensed therapist and just listened to me say how confused I was about what happened. Right after listening and seeing me cry, she bizarrely made the effort of including me in a “close friends” ig story of them drinking together at a bar. They haven’t really checked in on me but I know they have been hanging out with him. I muted their stories so I wouldn’t be triggered.
Now they are reaching out more to hang out and I don’t know if I should give them the courtesy of letting them know I’m distancing myself or just not reply. Do I explain that I respect that they’ve known him for much longer and it’s hard to believe, and I’m not asking for them to pick sides BUT that it was absolutely abuse, and for the sake of my healing I have to make the choice to not be around people who rationalize and excuse what he did?
submitted by savetheseaotters to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Marth5454 What was stuff you could bring to WWE shows during the Attitude Era that you can't bring now to WWE shows these days?

Were there any items back then that people can bring but is now prohibited from bringing these days?
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2021.09.20 01:54 spicy_chilis Got the Flakey BTA on the cheapp today so happy

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2021.09.20 01:54 schuey_08 TCL 6-Series or Sony Bravia X90J?

Looking to get a new TV with a budget of $1000-1500. Both the TCL 6-Series and Sony Bravia X90J have caught my eye - the TCL for its overall value, and the Sony for being trusted brand/product line.
Anyone have any insight on which would be the better purchase?
submitted by schuey_08 to Televisions [link] [comments]


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2021.09.20 01:54 Domin4tor93 H: Fallout first code W: Nothing, first come first serve

H: Fallout first code W: Nothing, first come first serve submitted by Domin4tor93 to Market76 [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 __Sonar__ Need advice on high end open back

Looking for great all-around open back headphones. Would be using for both music and FPS games, so punchy and balanced bass would be required.
I’ve been looking at the Hifiman Ananda, but I keep reading reviews about them having terrible qc which concerns me because I’m not familiar enough with high end headphones to be able to know for sure what is a defect. My budget is around $700 but I’m flexible. I’d prefer quality over those cheap closed back gaming headphones that are all 100% plastic.
Someone also recommended the DT 1990 but I know nothing about those.
Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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2021.09.20 01:54 chip85 I'm Losing Hope Once Again

I'm sorry to say this, but I'm starting to lose hope once again and don't know why. I was hoping this pandemic will end early next year, but now I'm not so sure. A lot've people refused to get vaccinated and the delta variant is in control. And I've heard we'll never reach the 70% goal of herd immunity, of there is one. I know the pandemic won't last forever, but based on what's going right now, it seems like forever. I need to either talk to my psychiatrist or a friend of mine I look up to. I don't want to lose hope, but sometimes, I can't help myself.
submitted by chip85 to COVID19_support [link] [comments]


2021.09.20 01:54 Uglyoa My father called me a pervert for taking care of my two cats

I’m not sure why but it seems to me that he’s projecting so I called him a pervert back because he was caught sending money to a Thai woman and chatting to her. I feel my father is jealous of me because I’m not married and I don’t have kids, I dress modestly, I don’t go out to parties etc and I’m pretty much an introvert, also due to my chronic illness, I don’t have much of a social life.
I felt nothing when he called me a pervert, it’s like I didn’t even take it personal because I know he’s projecting and telling me what he is. I just wish I could be away from them all but a lot of factors are keeping me here still especially being disabled. Both my parents seem to be envious when I care about anything and in this case it’s taking care of two stray cats that now live with me, which they absolutely hate.
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